Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We named our party play list daddy issues
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
