I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize