that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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