she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
