Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
