dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
