do herpes really smell.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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