Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
