You're so nebulous sometimes
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize