my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
