Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize