I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
