Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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