dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
