I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
