absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
