I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
