Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
