it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
