its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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