If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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