i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
