try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
