It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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