it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
