I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
