Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
