Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
