wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
