stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
