i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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