If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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