apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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