My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
