I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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