Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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