theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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