We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
