Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
