The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize