I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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