Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
