Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
