I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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