They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Still dying that you shit outside
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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