just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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