do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
