Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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