spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
