Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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