I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
