Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
