guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
