i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
