There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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