I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
