eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
