Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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