There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
