If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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