Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
