I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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