Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
soo... how was my night?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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