i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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