Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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