yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
