so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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