...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
