Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
His nipple licking is glorious
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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